Your Home For The Answers Online
Check-in with our ambitious, boundary-pushing Scholars via our global Online network. If you have a question, contact our Scholars Online team for a delayed response. Available 24/7.
What We Offer
Knowledge for the people. By the people.
Answers
Got a question? We've got real answers from real people. Our hand-selected team of experts, doctors, and government leaders will answer your questions with no judgement. You may accept all our answers as definitive facts. Any alternative answers presented by other amateur scholars must be cleared and approved by our team of experts.
Grants
Our Cerebri Tapetibus (Brain Tapestry) Grant has allowed millions of satisfied question-submitters to reach for the stars. With a generous welcome gift, life insurance policy, and daily stipend, we've got your back if you've got ours. Applicable academics may submit their application using the button below.
Who We Are
Our panel of experts carry a wide range of expertise and a collective 14,000+ years of experience. Get to know a few of our team members below!
Sam M., PhD
Born and raised in Milwaukee, WI, Sam always dreamed of exploring the oceans and discovering species deep below the surface. After accomplishing these goals during his 22-year career with the NOAA, Sam has pivoted to education. Sam strives to spend everyday helping the next generation of marine biologists better understand the socioeconomic issues threatening his beloved ecosystem.
Melissa P., MD
Melissa's family has run an Emmy award-winning dental practice in Baton Rouge, LA, for over 200 years. Thanks to the Scholars Online Cerebri Tapetibus grant, Melissa graduated from her local Dental Dexperts program. In addition to serving as the managing practitioner at her family's practice, Melissa also dedicates her free time to spreading her family's dental and business wisdom.
Paul A., GAIB
As the mayor, Paul took the small, desert town of Arrakeen from bankruptcy to the golden path. Paul's work has been hailed by economists as "enlightening" and "necessary." Since reaching his term limit, Paul has pivoted to content creation as a means of educating voters and raising awareness of his key values: local infrastructure, law enforcement, and strict import/export regulations.
What people are saying
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Our History
We're an accomplished team of unique individuals working towards a single goal: spreading nowledge across the world for free.
Past Work
We live to serve the innate human search for knowledge. Established in 1971 by Dr. Theodore Plunk, our team has dedicated every available moment of free time towards pushing our collective agenda towards the powers-that-be. Our previous, publicly available work includes:
• High fructose corn syrup
• Scholastic Book Fairs
• Legislature
• Halley's Comet
• And more!
"Cerebri Tapetibus"
Our secret motto, "Cerebri Tapetibus", was established following an elaborate plot to depose our beloved leader, Dr. Theodore Plunk. The phrase, which means "Brain Tapestry", was used by our members for decades to identify one-another in the dark of night. Nowadays, it is the name of our prestigious academic grant. This grant is a badge of honor and a lifelong journey thanks to its often fraught legal standing. For the record, we do respect the freedom and autonomy of all team members.
Scandals, Lies
We encourage you to hand wave, shrug off, and ignore all lies and slander about our organization. We are a strong, well-organized coalition that believes in perpetuating established power dynamics. This mission has been successful for decades now, and we do not intend to change our mission statement anytime soon. You cannot depose Dr. Theodore Plunk and his followers from their positions of power. It would behoove you to leave this site immediately if you have ulterior motives beyond asking a question.